What a great question! In response to my invitation for suggestions for this series, I received a challenge from a much-loved friend – who asked “How can I feel good when everything around me seems to be turning bad, falling apart? Do I simply deny it`s happening and bury my head in the sand, whilst singing “always look on the bright side of life”?!  Or as I was taught when I was a child, whom my mother loved dearly and wanted to ensure grew up properly – “always be like Pollyanna, and play the `Glad Game`- find something to be glad about when you don`t feel like it!”  (Yes, I did get a bit sick of hearing about Pollyanna)!  So, should the circumstances we find reflected in our lives always dictate how we`re going to feel?  Isn`t that being a realist, and not burying our head in the sand? Yes – and no!  Yes, the circumstances we find ourselves in have a huge capacity to impact our emotions – and for most people this is true – I`m in a bad mood because x did y to me… I just lost my job…. I`m feeling sick… my credit card is getting out of control… (put in your own reason why you may be in a bad mood, depressed, or unable to pick yourself up)…. And if you are feeling this way – perhaps justifiably – and someone tells you to “chin up & look on the bright side” – do you impulsively feel like either bopping them or simply turning away, feeling completely unheard and/or unappreciated?  I know I have… But the challenge is that we need to recognise what we are feeling – as Rachael Jayne Groover states in her training course for the Art of Feminine Presence, `ALL feelings are acceptable – it`s just that some feel better than others`!  It is absolutely pointless to deny what may be happening to us, and how we feel about this – because this can lead to massive resistance to what is. So many people regrettably end up spending so much time and energy resisting what is, often because it feels so uncomfortable – so deny what may seem obvious to others, or distract themselves with other pleasures, turn to the fridge, substance abuse, risky behaviour, inappropriate sexual encounters,  or an inordinate amount of time in front of their computers on seemingly innocent pursuits like gaming, or the darker pursuits of pornography – often to the detriment of their own valued relationships with partners or kids… And why? Because we just love our comfort zones!  In this zone, we can anticipate what`s going to happen, react how we`ve always done, and avoid a dreaded confrontation – but at what cost?  Many can end up with deadened feelings – pushed down almost to non-existence, and develop a more cynical attitude to life… So what to do when disaster strikes?  Or did someone crosses me and my opinions?  Or do the kids cause…

Are you aware of your own ‘bad habits’?  Could you name them?  Oh my goodness I can almost hear you say – what do you want me to put first?! LOL – stress eating, running late, procrastination (see my previous blog on this!), drinking, smoking, or too much Netflix? What about failure to do the ‘good’ things more regularly – like meditation, or going to the Gym? I can personally confess to some stress eating, procrastination, or running late (though since I have to catch trains this has improved)!  So what are your bad habits?  And do you really want to change these, or have you come to some accommodation with them? After all, some habits are really destructive (like violence), or way too much stress eating, or out of control drinking – while others are simply a bit annoying (like running late and getting stressed)!  So HOW can we deal with these if we really want to? When I truly pondered this topic I realised 3 things, my friends – Do I really recognise what bad habits I actually have, or have they been with me for so long I just accept these as being part of my personality? And do I really want to get on top of these? Or at least those that negatively impact my life the most?  In other words, how much motivation is there? And given I do – how on earth do I go about achieving this? Where do I start? Great question! As Julie Andrews sang in ‘Sound of Music’ – let’s start at the very beginning! From my research and experience, there are 3 ‘R’s that can help us to understand – and change bad habits. REMINDER.     ROUTINE.      REWARD Reminder: This is a trigger or cue, which is often unconscious, but which can result in the behaviour that follows…. And it can be an ‘innocent’ habit.  For example, when you come home from work, do you automatically kick off your shoes, and flop on the couch? (Understandable)! LOL!  But what happens next? Routine:  Do you then turn on the telly, get up automatically and get a glass of something to relax with (a drink or a cuppa), plus a nibble of something, and tell yourself you only need time to chill out for a few minutes? Reward: You feel relaxed and in your comfort zone! If you do something that causes enjoyment or relieves stress, the pleasurable release of dopamine in your brain can make you want to do it again! (Dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter. Your body makes it and your nervous system uses it to send messages between nerve cells, and Dopamine plays a role in how we feel pleasure). Consequence: But you could still be there an hour later, with a few more peanuts or biscuits under your belt?! This has now become part of your routine, for which you are rewarded! And it starts with a trigger…. So to understand what might be happening to you…

Do you resonate with this?  You’re creative, and KNOW what you want to achieve – right?  And you’ve planned how you are going to get this done? You’re getting your act together with the tools or equipment you may need – you have your coffee - but then something unforeseen happens, and you can’t go ahead?  Its disappointing of course – but you’ll survive.  In fact, in some cases you can almost feel relieved that you don’t have to go through that stress of getting it off the ground!  That’s the ‘compensation’ you tell yourself when you haven’t been able to do this afterall…..at least you’ll be prepared when you’re out of the woods of whatever hit you that stopped you from proceeding?  And in the meantime you can perhaps get more sleep?! Or maybe you’re at the point where everything seems to have just gotten on top of you – and you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired? We can so easily be sidetracked from our intentions by a number of everyday events – ordinary things like suddenly getting sick, or feeling like we don’t quite yet know enough yet to proceed after all?  Mine used to be that I suffered from the ‘fraud syndrome’ – who am I that I can talk about this?  Or that I needed just a little more info – but that course I wanted to do was beyond me economically at that time!  It might be something that life can throw us – like relatives suddenly wanting to come and stay, and we have our doubts, but just don’t know how to say ‘no’, so our boundaries may need strengthening?  Or that we’re suddenly urged to join the church choir, or need to take our kids to soccer? Or we just take on too much, get too busy and suddenly feel overwhelmed?  Are you getting the picture?  We’re stopped from proceeding by ordinary everyday events over which we feel we don’t have much control?  Just reflect for a moment – has this ever happened to you in the past?  How often? The reason I ask is because there just may be a pattern that has developed that’s stopping you from succeeding, especially with your business? And it’s subtle my friends!  It’s called the ‘safe problem’ syndrome…… We are afraid of stepping up – and yes, it’s completely unconscious on our part.  We tell ourselves that we truly want to do X or Y, and we do!  However lurking in the background, on that unconscious level, may be the fear of failing, insecurity about how to proceed, anxiety about the effect on our health or our family, or even concern in case we really succeed and would then be overwhelmed! What do you believe may be stopping you from stepping up?  When I first became aware of this ‘safe problem’ syndrome, it challenged me to really consider what might have been stopping me from ‘going all out’ and finally succeeding?  And fortunately,…

  We all LOVE our comfort zones, don’t we?  What’s yours?  Mine is being at home with my feet up and a cuppa in hand, watching something absorbing on my laptop – from an instructional video through to a feel-good movie on ABC I-view!  But then again, it might also be pottering in the garden on a beautiful day, watering.  My comfort zone even includes writing this weekly blog on a monthly theme, which I find so creative! So despite the bad wrap comfort zones often have – they are absolutely ESSENTIAL for us to retreat to and feel that ‘familiarity, safety, and security’ we need to refresh and regroup!  Our comfort zone is where we can SELF-CARE, which is so essential to our physical and mental wellbeing! When I was reflecting on this topic, I realized that I was fortunate enough to have experienced my first comfort zone on mum or dad’s lap! This probably happens for most of us if we were blessed with caring parent figures. That’s what provides that sense of safety and security to fall back on to which we become so familiar…. Dr. Abigail Brenner, a San-Francisco-based Psychologist, defines our comfort zone as the routine of daily life that implies ‘familiarity, safety, and security’.  This zone inspires confidence, and limits anxiety because we can undertake routine tasks without even thinking about these!  We also expend less energy on a routine or familiar tasks.  We can even be creative in our comfort zone if we are talking or writing about familiar topics! However, if we stay in this comfort zone for too long, what can happen?  We all know that feeling of boredom which can crop up, the feeling of complacency that feels oh so comfortable but is not challenging us in any way.  And if we are honest we begin to realise that this means, regrettably, ‘no growth’. Whilst we may give intellectual agreement that this is not a good thing, how do we challenge ourselves to actually get up off that couch, metaphorically speaking, and take those first steps? Because we are all familiar with that term ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’?  Well, to begin with, understanding what might be going on is a big key! Remember some of our previous blogs on ‘procrastination’, and last week’s on ‘self-sabotage’? Yes, it’s the old chestnut FEAR that’s mostly behind that challenge to move ahead, because we sometimes doubt ourselves, or we feel we don’t know enough yet (that was one of my ‘biggies’), or even that we don’t quite know where to start?  Or one of the biggest for me used to be ‘is it worth the time and effort to do this?  What real difference will this make’? A lot of the literature talks about overcoming the FEAR zone first by moving into the LEARNING zone so that we can gain the skills to move ahead, and feel more confident in our ability to master something?  And yes – that is essential if we…

  Has anyone ever told you that ‘you are your own worst enemy?  I’ve certainly thought this at times about myself, even if my friends are too polite to tell me!   And to be brutally honest, I’ve considered this about other colleagues, too – even if I didn’t have the courage to tell them. So what exactly does it mean to SABOTAGE?  My dictionary definition tells me: ‘to deliberately destroy, damage or obstruct something’ … I certainly got to really understand this word when I was a participant in Australia’s first reality Television Show in 2000 (Channel 7’s ‘The Mole’)!  I was definitely NOT the mole, whose job it was to sabotage every team effort surreptitiously, in order to frustrate the amount of money that went into the collective pot for the eventual winner. We had no idea therefore who this team member was, and had to work this out, or leave the show! OK if sabotaging means to deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct, why on earth would you do this to yourself?  Especially when you had set up steps to success in the first place?  Why do you think this might happen? Self-sabotage is really a more destructive form of procrastination – either way, we frustrate ourselves from getting the job done!  But why? Because there is absolutely no doubt that self-sabotage erodes both your self-confidence and self-esteem, leading to the kind of self-defeating behaviours which can badly affect your business, career, or relationships. And it gets worse – with every failed attempt to do the thing you want, you ‘prove’ to yourself that you can’t or maybe shouldn’t do this?  Let’s nip this in the bud, lovelies, and disarm this ‘inner saboteur’! Recognise self-sabotaging behaviours, which could include bad habits that stop you from succeeding? (One of mine in the past was being so untidy I couldn’t find something important at the last minute – a report, or schedule I’d worked on before the meeting, so I not only got frustrated, but it sabotaged something from happening). Are you feeling anxious, angry, or worthless about achieving what you set out to do? Then understand your emotions or they will run you. Confront negative or critical thoughts as soon as you become aware of them… My friend and colleague @Sue Lester, of www.suelester.com, has a saying I just love – if this inner saboteur wants to start ruining your self-esteem or confidence, then simply ditch the bitch’! If you seriously need help with getting rid of ‘head trash’, then she can be of profound help!  Just contact her on Facebook. Have the courage to make that change to realign your thoughts and feelings to what you really do want in your life… Finally, develop self-supporting behaviours such as a confident mindset, and language that builds you up. This can also include a supportive group – your family or special colleagues. However, you are also welcome to check out our ‘Feminine Tribe’ that meets monthly at Womenspace, Sandgate, to provide…

    Today we start a new series of monthly blogs, on this topic… Despite learning how to visualise/ intend/ plan/ and receive – life just doesn’t seem to flow quite that neatly at times, does it?  Have you found, like me, a number of things that seem to stop you from succeeding? PROCRASTINATION Your COMFORT ZONE ‘SAFE PROBLEMS’ you create BAD HABITS you don’t know how to change If you were in a room where participants were asked if they ever procrastinated, would your hand go up?!  I can almost guarantee it would be 100% of those present!  My dictionary says: Delay or postpone action, put off doing something – with an illustration: “The temptation will be to procrastinate until the power struggle plays itself out” The conscious/unconscious motivation seems to be FEAR underlying the behaviour, whether or not you are aware of this? So what can you do as a start to overcome the ‘big P’ when you need to ‘get sh#t done’? Recognise when you are procrastinating? - are you working on low-priority activities? - does that coffee break call you almost immediately you decide to work on something? - Are you waiting to feel ‘in the right mood’? Ask yourself WHY? Are you: - overwhelmed?  Then prioritise - Disorganised?  Identify the consequences of NOT starting - A Perfectionist?  How perfect does this task really have to be? Then consciously REWARD yourself – promise to have that gourmet coffee when the task is completed! This illustrated Quadrant might help to understand: Easier said than done?  YES!  I have argued with myself over Quadrant IV – because I recognise that there are times I need ‘time out from the constant pressure to get it done!  In my case, I take that extra coffee break/ or go outside for a stroll around the garden/ or watch the news, etc!  This is because I have WRITTEN down break times into my schedule, so I don’t feel guilty about taking that time out, and simply do not have to eliminate all that could be considered in Quadrant IV!  What would work for you? Taking the time to really LOOK more closely at your own habits for achieving the success you desire.  It is so worth the effort!  Look at your Vision Board again – feel into the delight of achievement!  Take that deep breath, plan, and DO!  

You’ve had your VISION (feminine energy) Set your INTENTION (masculine energy) Taken massive ACTION (masculine energy) Now, what’s next? You ATTRACT and RECEIVE (feminine energy) If you do not self-care after all that massive output of masculine energy, you quite literally run the risk of exhausting yourself, becoming sick, even burning out… or destroying your most precious relationships with intimate partners and family members.  You may have already, unfortunately, had an experience of this, lovely?  Be warned!  The economic world constantly pushes women to use their masculine energy to succeed and be rewarded – and we deserve this if we put the work in!  However – what price do we put on success?  As women we do not have the testosterone and drive of men, so have to regulate the amount of massive action and energy we put out there, or we will regrettably suffer… So what is self-care for you?  Something as simple as a long hot bath with candles and a glass of wine?  (How delicious)!  Or is it more longer term for you, like a daily walk, weekly sessions at the gym, or a monthly massage?  Is it playing with your kids or your pets?  Is it going for a ‘feel good’ walk through the park or on the beach? Is it doing a bit more on your hobby of painting, or playing or listening to music? Men, bless them, like focused activities – a game of golf, a long bike ride, time in their sheds alone, or fixing something for you, to get a sense of completeness that a task has been done successfully.  Whereas we women love the ‘journeying’ a little more – dancing like no one is watching/ singing around the house/ playing with the kids/ journaling/ writing that book/ coffee with a girlfriend/ smelling the roses etc…. you put in your favourite activity! It is ESSENTIAL for women that we have this time to renew ourselves and our pleasure in life! Otherwise, we could find ourselves developing a chronic illness, or becoming not that interested in other pleasures and slowly spiralling down that rabbit hole of apathy or depression, lack of interest in intimacy and sex, etc. So how can you ATTRACT and RECEIVE? Firstly you can GROUND yourself – stop, take several long, slow, deep breaths, put your feet on the ground, stand and go outside if possible to get in touch with the earth - walk on the grass or on the beach with bare feet to take up the ionic energy in the earth into your body (yes, the earth stores this from lightening). Secondly, you can SELF-CARE now you are grounded. Thirdly you can become aware that while you have done everything you can to succeed (which is ‘by me’ energy), you can now consciously RECEIVE from life (which is life wanting to give ‘through you’) – which is GRACE. Actions from others can be surprisingly unexpected but also helpful, caring, even loving. Please remember that receiving is actually…

  Who loves the title of ‘action woman’?  To be known as the ‘Go for it Girl’? Others can find this so inspirational, because ‘nothing can stop us’ now! To put this week’s blog in context - we have previously looked at the use of our feminine energy to tap into the power of our IMAGINATION in order to visualize what we want…. Last week we focused our masculine energy on the power of INTENTION in order to plan the success we envisioned…. This week we now focus on the power of ACTION to achieve what we planned.  One guess as to which of our energies we need to utilize to the ‘enth’ degree to achieve this?  Yes, our masculine energy – go to the top of the class, lovely! This is where massive action can be required to light up and give momentum to what we had previously envisioned, planned, and are now wish to achieve!  We need to be: Single focused to get the job done Willing to post, push and promote Decide whether to use paid ads So focused we can allow other needs to drop away Be totally outcome-driven In a nutshell ‘ taking massive action’ until the job is done Are you able to undertake all this?  YES! Yes, I can hear you almost screaming at me!  That is absolutely fabulous, darling!  However….. A WORD OF WARNING: This kind of massive action can usually only be undertaken for a certain length of time.  If it’s a more long-term goal, this will need to be balanced out with some feminine energy focus. And why?  Because to be so totally focused that everything else goes by the board (including attention to our relationship/s and all the usual self-care activities) can lead to BURNOUT, and/or the  BREAKUP of our most precious relationships, and/or the BREAKDOWN of our health. In that case, we have to ask ourselves, Is success worth this price?  Am I willing to pay for this?  Or is there another way of achieving success that avoids these massive pitfalls? This will be the focus of our next week’s blog in this series of the Power of Success for Women. So go for it action woman!  But also be in gratitude that as women we can access both these energies in order to achieve the success we crave, but not at the expense of our health or our most intimate and loving relationships.

  The next in this series, after looking at the power of imagination – seeing what we desire to manifest – comes this power of intention.  What do we mean by this?  Does Desire bring up a kind of wish list for you – what you yearn for – sometimes with all your being? That is spot on my friends because it’s only when our emotions are involved that we will find the way, or have the determination to succeed… But what happens internally when you make a decision and INTEND for that desire to happen….and then add a plan for just HOW this is going to come about and succeed? Does that feel DIFFERENT? As they say ‘you’d better believe it!  Your desire has been ‘embodied’ – it now has wings to fly, because your conscious mind can work towards this – you know what you have to do! And you can rejoice at how your desires are being taken seriously – by you yourself!  As a result, you are putting this out clearly to the Universe what you want, and expect, because you are intending to achieve this - which of course is just so powerful! OK - what energies now need to be brought into play when the power of intention is brought into the picture? You will obviously need some kind of direction and focus on how to proceed? Thinking and planning in a logical way on how to succeed would be great! You will need to sort out your goals and priorities – what needs to come first, second? This will then need some kind of structure – a mind map or business plan You will need to ensure that your plan is outcome-driven This will require specific steps or actions you need to take, and when? And all these actions required are part of our masculine energies so that we can be much more single-focused, in order to achieve and succeed. What I love about all this is that it takes me from a kind of unintended ‘victim’ mentality (I’m wanting this thing or person to come into my life with so much yearning that it only highlights that I haven’t got this as yet, so I can easily begin to feel helpless)! It takes me from life happening ‘to me’ therefore, to the more positive step of life happening ‘by me’ as I engage the power of intention to know I can actually do something about this! Once we have used our power of imagination to work out what we really want, instead of this simply being something we hope – sometimes against hope – that we will receive through the law of attraction – we can more confidently expect to receive this as we have become: Crystal clear what we want – yes – but instead of just wishing for & crossing our fingers We can intend for this to happen with our own plan of action, and start engaging that Power…